EDITION 11: Slut Shaming Is VERY Uncool
When I was a teenager, I got me a good old name for myself. You know.. The one that every girl tries to avoid at school. SLUT.
As with all things at school, rumours spiral out of control to no end, and before I knew it, I was being told by one particularly spiteful boy, that he knew FOR SURE that I had given 10 guys a blowjob, wait for it… ALL at the same time. He knew this for sure, because his very own friend was there as a witness. So, not only were there 10 guys present, but ALSO there was a witness, who was there it seemed, to take note, and report back down the ol’ pipeline to those who needed to know.
To this day, I still can’t work out whether that fantasy was made up by him personally. Although he said it with such conviction, that I figure it was someone else’s distillation of their favourite porn movie at the time.
Stories like that with my involvement weren’t new to me. My response to them varied. I began initially by standing up for myself and saying ‘well that’s a extreme lie, I can tell you first hand, that I did not do that’. However that didn’t work. So I transitioned to ignoring, which by the way, is quite challenging when your are immersed in the sea of taunts every day. After that wore me down, I succumbed to waiting until I got home from school, and there I would proceed to cry based on the imprisonment that school had become. Throughout this entire time, I’d listen to Christina Aguilera, Stripped on repeat. This quite frankly pulled me through to the degree that I wrote about it in my English GSCE and got a A… #xtina4lyfe
What I know for sure is that I am certainly not the first person in the world to be called a slut. The term gets flung around town like it’s going out of fashion, and in actual fact it IS.
Google tells us that a slut is “a women who has many casual partners”...
Why then, does ‘slut’ have such a taboo attached to it? It’s as if being a sexuality active and free woman is a bad ting.
Not so long ago, our sisters in the years of the witch hunts were burnt alive if they were to show signs of sexual liberation. When a woman acted from a place of sovereignty in herself, and chose not to conform with the Puratin ways, it would be a matter of death.
I showed signs of being mildly sexually active, and I was sufficiently tamed by spat at, hit, and consistently threatened.
Yesterday I watched Jada Pinkett Smith, her daughter Willow, and mother Adrienne – three generations of women get together to speak openly about sex. What stunned me was as the generations grew younger, the depth of their comfortableness around sexuality became. Upon Jada asking her daughter Willow: “if a young girl has multiple partners, is she still considered a whore or a slut…? Willow, clearly shocked responds: “NOOO. She is considered a regular person.” Willow’s bestfriend chimes in: “She is considered a beautiful girl.”
And that my friends, is exactly what you are. If you were ever Slut Shamed, or have ever been put in a position to feel like being a sexual creature is shameful, please let that go now. You are in fact a regular person. A beautiful girl.
I welcome you right now, to sit with any part of you that is ashamed, and tell that sweet, beautiful girl, that she is absolutely perfect.