EDITION 14: Sacred Sexuality Ecstasy

I have reflected that in this past year, I have been acting in a similar way to how I expect a kid acts in a candy shop. Upon discovering sacred sexuality, it’s like I’ve been given a tenner by my mum, and been told to go to the sweet shop where I’m allowed to pick whatever I want out. In this present moment, I’ve come to see that I’ve finished gobbling up all the sweets, and I’m now looking around at all the shiny empty wrappers, rubbing my belly in a sugar stoned kinda manner, and am thinking, gosh that was delicious, what an over fucking overindulgence. 

I went from being totally sexually turned off, to completely sexually turned on. I’ve had so many liberating highlights, but one that’s up there is the time I had an “aha moment” coming to understand the actual reason why the drug ecstasy has the very same name as the word we use to describe complete sexual bliss... 

Back in my heydays / the first time I ever came up on the drug ecstasy was in a drum and bass rave. As I was screaming at my friend in total shock, a variety of words streaming out of my mouth that really didn’t make much sense, whilst feeling a rush of weightlessness travel from my feet all the way to up through my body until it reached my head. And, well.. anyone who’s been in this position knows what comes next.. Hours of untamed, untethered, liberated expression. A feeling of being totally present, yet all at the same time you’re accessing new waves of consciousness. Only to come down after what seems like an eternity, thinking, wow, life will certainly never be the same. 

The absolute mirror my first time ‘coming up’ on MDMA happened to me whilst completely sober around 6 months ago. Arriving into total unadulterated orgasmic ecstasy, and being in that state for over an hour.  I KID YOU NOT.

So now what? I’m well and truly grounding into a new phase. Just like those who have been through rave culture will know, there’s a “honeymoon period”. That’s when you go to all the raves, know all the DJ’s, and have your fair share of out of this world experiences, but after a while something starts to shift. You begin to calm. Ground. Soak it up, but with a new perspective. That’s me right now, having a sweet comedown from the sacred sexuality realm. Coming into reflection, and questioning.. “now I know all of this, who am I, and how do I wish to show up to the world?"

I feel I am transitioning from the “child in the sweet shop phase”, into a new position of maturity. In this moment, I can’t quite articulate it, but hey, just watch this space.

Grace Brown