Yoni Massage Medicine
Over the past year I’ve been moving through a rigorous training which has initiated me into becoming sexual shamanic practitioner (fancy eh?). It’s been wild and challenging, yet never before have I felt such a deep YES within my system.
After holding safe and sacred space for many women, I have embodied powerful tools such as yoni massage to encourage transformation to occur from within. Upon being welcomed inside the sacred temple of another’s yoni, I have been TOTALLY schooled by SHE herself. Cultivating the experiential understanding that a women’s sex centre is interconnected to so much more than the physical and emotional. In fact, it can hold ancient memories which, when given the permission to be heard, come up to the surface to be transmuted. Allowing a transmission of freedom to activate through the entirety of a women’s lineage.
In a nutshell, this work is so fucking BIG. The other day I had a small break down over how profoundly large women’s sexual healing is. I might even have another breakdown as I’m typin’ this message to you guys.
What I know for sure is that by holding this space for other women I MUST hold myself accountable ensuring I adopt my own extra special care and love too. I have been receiving yoni healing medicine from other powerful women, and by golly, one of which absolutely blew my SOCKS off.
I decided to go into this session with a simple, some may say casual intention in mind: “I choose to learn deeply, understand fully, completely let go, forgive, and release any relationships I still hold within my physical being, emotional being, energetic being, subconscious being, soul being, collective being, and any other levels I’m not aware of (lol just to be sure right?). I do this so I instantaneously create space to love. I see clearly and know the exact relationship I am calling in for my highest and greatest good for myself, the other being, the relationship and collective.”
Like I said… casual.
So I am welcomed by the medicine woman holding space for me, I announce my intention. I drop the written version of it onto the altar excitedly, full of expectations of grieving my entire life of relationships, in order to be restored to brand spanking new, in the name of love.
As this practitioner began to touch my body, I noticed how I was getting activated. Eros began to move through my body. As I felt my sexual energy rising, I was met with the most incredible grief. It feels vulnerable to mention this on my newsletter (mostly because I know that the person I am about to refer to is signed up to it) but as I felt myself and my sexual essence switch on, I realised that since he had left, I hadn’t been touched in this deep, penetrating and intimate way. Not even by myself. Explosions of deep sadness and loss cascaded through the entirety of my body. My heart space erupted as I whaled. In that moment I fully understood how much of a another we take in when we open up to deep, connected love. I felt him, almost in the very centre of me, all the way from my yoni, and cascaded up, within and beyond my heart. As the session came to a close, and the medicine woman began to physically leave my body, I saw, felt and knew that he had left too.
What was left was a void. A hole in which I can only articulate as a place within me that felt empty. My immediate response was to go out and find someone else to fill that void with. However awareness allowed me to remember that ‘replacement behavior’ is exactly the kind I am rewriting. I have instead been filling myself up with love. Giving myself space. Being with people, but not so much that I can’t feel.
Breaking up from another human comes which a bonkers load of advice that, if taken, can push you away from the feels. “Plenty more fish in the sea”. ‘You gotta get another someone else, to get over them..” etc, etc.
Yet what happens if for a change, I simply let myself sit in the void, and teeter into the edge of discovering what lies beneath.